I had a friend come visit over the weekend, lets call her Jane, I haven’t seen her for a few years and a lot has happened to both of us in that time. She was originally a friend of my husband but she kind of transposed to being more my friend when my husband and I got together. Her and my husband used to go to underground sound and TIP parties together in London back in the 90’s when my husband was single and a student, nothing happened between them, well nothing they have felt the need to tell me anyway.
Over a bottle of wine on Saturday night Jane started to challenge my husband about his ADHD and Asperger, which isn’t a good idea. He gets very annoyed if he thinks people are either mocking him or don’t believe he has a problem. This went on for an hour, by which time I had to intervene as I could see him getting very agitated, Jane was getting drunker and playing amateur psychologist with him and that usually doesn’t end well, I know the pent-up emotion will make an appearance at a later date in the form of rumination because he felt he didn’t express himself properly at the time and then beats himself up about whilst becoming verbally abusive towards me instead of the person that’s upset him who is no longer around, so I like to avoid the initial triggers in the first place as much as possible. After me calming the situation a little by starting a random side discussion about cheese the main discussion about ASD abated and we went to bed.
The next day I took Jane out in the car for a drive around the area to show her the sites and while we were on a local beach I bumped into a man I had taken some language lessons with who likes a chat, is about my age and just so happens to be the only man my husband has ever felt threatened of losing me to. I said the cordial hello and how are you and isn’t it a lovely day and we exchanged about 20 seconds of small talk, I bid my farewell and we carried on walking.
As we walked away I told Jane the story of the rare night me and my husband had gone out to a gig in town and how at the end of the night, leaving my husband in the corner of the pub with my beer, I nipped to the loo and on the way back I had bumped into this particular man at the bar, we had started talking and time had flown a little because I couldn’t get out of the conversation and the introductions to his friends, and of how my husband had come across with my coat in is hands saying he was leaving and here’s my coat, implying I had to make a choice, stay and chat or leave with him, I hastily left, and of how on the walk home he had apologised for coming across a little angry and how he fears me running away from him and his problems and leaving him, and how he doesn’t want me to run off with this particular man as I was looking really happy talking to him and please, pretty please, don’t have an affair with that man as he really dislikes him, his hat and his snobby attitude.
I explained to Jane how he’d never done anything like that before, she knows him, he’s never been the jealous type, and can you imagine me going off with this other man, how bizarre it would be me leaving my husband.
Her response was “no one would blame you if you did”
Some people will never understand…